chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
