Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
