so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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