Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
