It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
