i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
