he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
