Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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