boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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