Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
