I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
