I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
