so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
