I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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