areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
