i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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