I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
