JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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