Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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