somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
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the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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