she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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