My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
