I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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