Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
