It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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