I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
