Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
