some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
