the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
