Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
