from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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