She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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