i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
