I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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