I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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