JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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