yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
