Non-Jews are for practice
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
