what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
