Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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