Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
