ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
