Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
