I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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