I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
