from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my shit smells like andre
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
