I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
