my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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