im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
