OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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