Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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