I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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