His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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