I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
