Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
