I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
