I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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