I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So many bounce houses so little time
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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