when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
