one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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