I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Everyone says I win the strip club
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
