you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
