i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
this hospital has no fireball
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
