Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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