tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
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he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
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