Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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