break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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