No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
