dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
