if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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