Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
