I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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