It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
