perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
