dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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