She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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