You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
