he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
