I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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