I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
