I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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