New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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