Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
