and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
