it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
