Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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