New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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