im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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