My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
