So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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