I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
