not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
