If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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