I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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