I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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