i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
