Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
