Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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