The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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